I said goodbye to the teeny-tiny church and unfortunately, had to also say goodbye to the main friendship I had there. I did the best I could to say goodbye, but things are never as they seem. Evidently I'm a demanding, perfectionistic friend who will only be friends with you if you are perfect. Yeah, I got the line "All we've ever tried to do is make you feel welcome and cared for...." Thinking back on the conversation, I laugh. She's the tall, skinny, beautiful mom who regularly cleans her house and cooks delicious meals for her family and her house is always all neat and picked up. As a squishy mom [ahem] with piles of crap everywhere at home (including more dustbunnies than one could ever want), and a favorite meal of chicken nuggets and potstickers (organic, but does that even count?!?) I find it hard to believe that I will only be your friend if you are perfect. Then again, you feel how you feel.
Talking through the conversation with my mom, I thought of all these things I wanted to say.... and she gently helped me see that defending myself to them isn't going to help. So for now I'm mourning the loss of what I thought -- quite mistakenly -- was a deep, wonderful friendship and wondering how not to get myself in this predicament again. sigh.
It's always something, isn't it?
12 hours ago