Friday, June 25, 2010

Does it take all types?

I think it takes a special kind of person to be a police officer.  In fact, there are lots of jobs that take a special kind of person.  However, I think being a cop is such a unique job that it has a higher percentage of people who are ~ well, very similar.  It makes me think that "it takes all types" doesn't exactly apply when you're discussing the personality of a cop.

Of course I'm writing about this because of a recent conversation I had.  I ran into an acquaintance of ours who recently lost his job.  He had talked to DH in the past about becoming a cop, and when I saw him again recently he started up with asking about the job again.  I've known this person for years.  Years and years and years.  He would NOT make a good cop.  But how do I flat out say that?  I guess I could say that but it is for reasons that aren't all that flattering.  Anyway I think DH told him he wouldn't be a good cop when they talked about it too.  Let's just say he has temper and confrontation issues.  So finally I said "Well, you know DH says that his very best weapon is not on his duty belt, it's his verbal judo.  He gets into so few fights and 'befriends' so many of his suspects because he can make friends with the scumbags and act cool then slap the cuffs on them all quick-like.  So if you think you can really use your words to finesse all kinds of situations that is probably a point in your favor."  In my mind I'm thinking... well, I'm thinking "please read between the lines." 

After we had been chatting a while, his wife comes out of left field with some comment about how she doesn't think he would make a good cop because his personality is more like mine and not like my husbands.  Excuse me??  I don't think she knows what an insult that was to me.  Obviously she must like her husband (she married him) but .... yuck.  She was saying how we both have confrontational personalities and it's not a good idea to have that as a cop.  I was so flabbergasted.  When I mentioned it to my DH he chuckled and said "Maybe she meant he is so girlie and wasn't insulting you."  That's a possibility, because he sure is girlie.

After this comment I recalled a recent conversation where a friend of mine said I am not at all what I seem.  She clarified by saying that when she first met me she thought I was tough and sarcastic... but now having known me for a few years (and I would say now she really does know me pretty well), she realizes that I am actually super sensitive and it was a shock to her to realize this.  Now that I'm thinking about it, I have another example.  But I'll leave it at that.  So... what is it that people think I'm one way but really... I'm not?  I never, ever try to be anything but "real."  I don't try to be someone that I'm not, but I'm certainly private.  So you see one side of me mostly until you really, truly get to know me.  Maybe that's what's going on here. 

But it still makes me think.  Who am I?

Ok, now back to that acquaintance who thinks being a cop would be easy-peasy.  We kept talking and he started asking me about academy.  Now, I can only speak for our (my husband's) experience, not every academy in general.  But I'm coming from a place of being married to a man who went to one of the academies in our state which has a reputation for being one of the toughest, if not the toughest, places to graduate from.  The class before my huband's had a 20% graduation rate or something ridiculously small like that.  They were flabbergasted that my husband's class had such a high graduation rate of around 50%.  I was trying to explain it to this guy... the idea of having limited chances to remediate on exams, always living in fear of being dropped, watching your classmates fail out... I did tell him he would do a great job on the physical fitness part. :) He basically poo-pooed all my comments saying that it is only emotionally difficult because he has a degree from [insert name of University here] and he's not stupid so he's sure it would be so easy.  I just about wanted to puke my brains out when I was listening to this arrogant talk.

The best was when I suggested being a dispatcher.  "They hardly make any money!"

Then I did suggest Starbucks.  You know, they offer health insurance and you don't even have to work a full 40 hours.  "That is so insulting I would never, ever work there."  My response?  "Well, you better put your house up for sale then if you aren't going to do whatever it takes to make some money for your family."

Never a dull moment, people.  Never.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Don't be nasty and noxious

This is a story about the kind of old lady I do NOT want to be.

This is a story about the kind of present day lady I do NOT want to be.

This is a story about an old lady who needs some serious love in her life.

Recently there was an event around town where people were allowed to chalk up the sidewalks with beautiful drawings.  We were walking around town and one of our stops was at the coffee shop so I could get a drink.  :)  Do you know what happens to chalk? It makes lots of dust.  While we were walking around town, as much as I tried to avoid the drawings, they're on the freakin' sidewalk and some of my stroller wheels went over them and got chalk dust on the wheels. 

I ordered my drink at the coffee place and was waiting for them to call my name, when Austin ran over to get a straw for me.  An older lady ("nasty noxious nagger") was knitting and said something to me.  She muttered something about the floor, and I thought she was saying that Austin picked up my straw from the floor.  No, with her evil grimace she said something to the effect that "all those marks all over the floor are from your stroller!" I looked and indeed, there was a little track my wheels had made from the door to the register and then to where I was standing.  With disappointment in my eyes and face I said "Oh, no!  It must be because of all the chalk on the sidewalk!"  She just looked at me and rolled her eyes.  If stares could get you covered in mud, this one was the dirtiest look I'd seen in a long time.  What an evil old spiteful lady!  I did feel bad, especially because I am usually very sensitive about cleaning up after myself.  But... guess what??  They mop those floors every day!  It was as if she wanted me to get down on my hands and knees and scrub the tracks up myself.  I bet you, in fact, if I had gone back there a few hours later they would be all gone from people simply walking over them. As we were leaving I gave her my sweetest "Bye, have a good day!" and boy did that make her unhappy!! 

I feel two ways about this.  First, she really got under my skin and made me so mad.  What right does she have to be so nasty to me?  Then (although I was still annoyed), I felt bad for her.  What horrible things have happened in her life that she has to be so uptight and nasty about something like that, to someone she doesn't even know?  Finally, I thought, I will NEVER be like that.  (I hope!!) 

How about you?  When you are mistreated, can you see both sides of the coin?  My husband, after dealing with "the scum of the earth" day in and day out, has a really really hard time seeing that flip side of the coin.  I always go back to the "they were someone's child" ... at one time they actually *weren't* "scum of the earth" but now.....?  And I'm certainly NOT saying I can see both sides every time, but any which way you look at it, it should be sad.

As a LEO wife I do my best to bring balance to my husband's life.  Just like I get enmeshed and overwhelmed with the kid-life of three kids five years old and younger, my husband gets completely wrapped up in his "you are all scum" job outlook.  I'm obviously being extremely black and white here but it's generally true.  I do my best to battle against that and encourage him to do the same.  Do you?

Monday, June 14, 2010

Rookie Blue

Anyone heard of the new show on ABC called Rookie Blue?  From the trailers I am completely underwhelmed.  Check out a trailer here:

I'll do my best to withhold judgment until I actually see an episode, but from the looks of things it can't hold a candle to SouthLAnd.  But we shall see.  I might have to go get the first season DVD of SouthLAnd from Amazon to hold me over!

brownie banana muffins

 Here's the recipe for the muffins I made yesterday.  They made exactly 12 regular size muffins and were pretty tasty straight out of the oven.  I was pleased with how they tasted and was SO excited I was going to make more, with a tweak or two.  Sheesh!  I tried one at room temp this morning, and all I have to say is, yuck.  yuck, yuck, and more yuck.  But the kids love them.  They think they are getting something "amazing" and chocolate (since I don't normally let them eat chocolate) and they are all for them.  But I am still going to work on them.  My Notes:
  • Subbed flax meal for oil, next time try applesauce or prunes
  • Added splashes of vanilla
  • Use more bananas ~ at least 3
  • Bake about 17 minutes in my oven

Brownie Banana Muffin Recipe

  • 2 cups whole-wheat flour
  • 2 teaspoons (aluminum free) baking powder
  • ½ teaspoon sea salt
  • ¼ cup cocoa powder
  • ½ teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1 beaten egg
  • 2 bananas, mashed (or 3)
  • ½ cup soymilk, almond milk, or sesame milk (rice milk)
  • ¼ cup safflower oil (or 3/4 c. flax meal, or 1/4 c. applesauce or prunes)
  • ¾ cup raw honey or natural sugar substitute (I ran out so I used about 1/3 c. honey and a few shakes of brown sugar)
  • 1/3 chopped nuts (not at our house!!)
Preparation Stir together flour, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, and cocoa powder. In a smaller mixing bowl combine the egg, milk, oil, bananas and honey together. Add all at once to dry ingredients. Fold in the chopped nuts. Fill paper muffin cups 2/3 full. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes. Makes 12 delicious muffins.

Read this note about subbing applesauce for oil, if you're interested.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Bitter Much?

A while back Mrs. Fuzz of A Police Wife fame posted asking for input regarding the start up of a police wife support group.  You can read the post here.

Just the other day, Mr. Police Man posted his comment, asking why a support group for police wives is even necessary.  Here's what he had to say, I just copied and pasted from apolicewife: 
Please remember when reading this that I'm asking a question and not saying anything personal!

Why the need for a support group? 1) Cuz you don't like our odd hours?
2) The fact that many cops have some sort of "friend" where they work that gives them free coffee or even cooks them dinner? That could mean a family too, not saying its an affair.

3) Don't like that we have to be in control all the time?

4) Don't like that we just want you to do what we say and not ask why?

5) That we are irretable (sp?) when we get home because no one liked us at work and we need some "cave" time (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) to decompress?

I feel that a support group will just be a gripe session.

I'm a cop, male and have a degree in Psy. Neither of these make me able to understand the desire of women to bond. But maybe I did just give you some good quesitons to talk about at your first meeting.

Take care, keep that man of yours safe!
Honestly I am somewhat surprised to hear this from Mr. Police Man (MPM).  With all the talk about the brotherhood of blue or blue brotherhood of whatever it's called, it should be pretty obvious why the spouses of such folks employed in law enforcement would want their own "support group."  I thought I would answer his questions here because I believe this deserves an entire post unto itself.  I wouldn't be entirely surprised to hear this from a single male.  However, I'm thinking that MPM is married, or at least romantically involved, considering I skimmed his site and noticed he mentioned having a child.  So that surprised me.

But let's get started.  In short, the answer to all those questions MPM asks is YES.  But since I'm giving this comment an entire post, I might as well go into detail....

1) Cuz you don't like our odd hours?
While I may like the odd hours you are home, I don't like the odd hours when you are gone.

2) The fact that many cops have some sort of "friend" where they work that gives them free coffee or even cooks them dinner? That could mean a family too, not saying its an affair.

My husband is super, uber cautious about this one, so nope, I don't have a problem here.

3) Don't like that we have to be in control all the time?

Nope, don't like this.  I married you to be on your team, not take orders.  When you don't feel like you have to be in control all the time don't you notice how our family life is SO MUCH BETTER?

4) Don't like that we just want you to do what we say and not ask why?

See answer to #3. This is the kind of thing I expect from our children on a regular basis.  I am not your child.  If that's the kind of relationship you want with me, well... lots of things will be changing around here.

5) That we are irretable (sp?) when we get home because no one liked us at work and we need some "cave" time (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) to decompress?

Right again, MPM.  I am not the one that lied to you about x, y, or z and I didn't resist arrest or hit you in a head-on collision because I was drunk so don't take your irritability out on me.  You can have your cave time. I get it.  I just want mine, too.  And I want your cave time to actually DO something for your crappy attitude.

So like I said, the answer to all of MPM's questions are pretty much YES.

But a bigger reason why we, as cop's wives and not accountant's wives, like to seek out other LEO wives is because we have more of a chance of visiting our husband in the hospital or the morgue as a result of his job than that accountant's wife does.

I kiss my husband goodbye before his shift and say a prayer (or two or three or fifty) every day for him; that his bulletproof vest would work, that he can even get his gun out of his holster faster than the moron yanking who-knows-what out of his waistband, that his fingers won't freeze up when he has to pull the trigger before the "bad guy",  that his hippie-peace-loving-civil-rights-activist coworker won't be assigned as his cover officer...

All things that my civilian wife friends hear me say but do not comprehend.  All things that should be blatantly obvious to you, as a LEO, and certainly ARE to all my LEO wife friends.

And that accountant's wife?

While that accountant's wife may pray "Dear Lord, please don't let Microsoft Excel freeze up on my honey when he enters in that big number for the reimbursement request," she is certainly, in no uncertain terms, begging for the protection of the life of her dear loved one simply because she has sent him off to work.  This may be a little melodramatic, but come on.  Why did you spend six months at the academy if this isn't a dangerous job?

I feel that a support group will just be a gripe session.

So here, MPM, I'll take a guess that this is REALLY the problem you have with support groups.  I think this is really what you were trying to say.  Why get together when all you are going to do is gripe?  Now on THIS, we can agree.  I appreciate my LEO wife friends who can hear me complain and understand at a deeper level why this life is such a challenge.  They can hear about the difficulties in our marriage, relationship, and family life without saying "I sure hope your husband can find a different job some day."  (One of my dear civilian friends has told me this.)  I also treasure my LEO wife friends who can still love and care for my husband when they know the dirty, dank stuff of our lives, often exacerbated by the day in, day out, CRAP my husband sees at work.  That is true friendship.  That's support.  My LEO wife friends can say "Oh no, girl, you do NOT let him get away with that!" or "This is how we handled that..." and I know they are speaking with the voice of experience.  I appreciate that.  Because otherwise, MPM, you're right... it's just griping and what's the point of that?

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


Mrs. Fuzz introduced me to NieNie at NieNieDialogues.  The short version of the story is that this woman and her husband were in a plane crash, and they both survived.  NieNie, however, had burns over 80% of her body.  She was in a coma for three months and now continues to face reconstructive surgery.

While she was in a coma and recovering, someone started updating her blog (which she had started back in 2005) with their "favorite" posts of hers.  People would write in and talk about how impacted they were by her writing and the things she said, and they would pick a favorite post.  They'd mention why and then the original post was reposted.

These "looks back" are amazing.  It made me think about my life.  If something like that happened, would anyone be so inspired by my blog posts and want to have them be reposted?  Would I handle my situation with such grace?  I'm not looking for a huge money-making, inspiring blog, but I am looking for a REAL life.

It made me wonder, what kind of legacy am I leaving?  Will my kids remember how I yelled at them too much, and didn't say "I love you" enough?  Will they remember that I never let them stop to smell the flowers or collect bugs on our walks because I was more concerned with burning more calories on a faster paced walk?  The list is long.  And while we are all doing our best with what we have on a given day, I know that sometimes I could simply make a different choice and life would be that much sweeter.  It might cost me some calorie-burning or a few extra minutes before leaving the house, but in the long run, I will be building the kind of legacy I will be proud of.  Let's see if I can do it.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

If only we were all this honest...

Seeing as so many of us either visit, or hear about visits to court quite a bit, this was an entertaining item I read this morning:

Thanks goes to Abraham Piper of 22 Words.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Happiness 101

Mrs. Fuzz has gifted me with the Happiness 101 Award that is making the rounds these days.  Thanks, Mrs. Fuzz!  Here are 101 things that make me happy.  JUST KIDDING.  I'm only sharing 10 things.

  1. A quiet, hot, long MORNING shower (if you've been reading this very long you probably already know this one!)
  2. A hot beverage ritual ~ walking to my favorite local shop for something hot or taking the time to prepare it at home in a certain way... anything works.  They all make me happy!
  3. A clean house (no wonder I'm unhappy these days)
  4. A new location of my favorite local grocery store opening three blocks from my house NEXT WEEK!!
  5. A good deal.  Actually, a GREAT deal.  
  6. My children (usually)
  7. Any kind of discovery; like a fun bakery, a neat treat, a great deal, an unusual spider web, a unique collection of things.  In this way, I was made to be a mom.  I can marvel over the smallest things and take joy in them along with my kids.  My husband is, well, not so much like this.  :)  That's why I'm the mom and he isn't.
  8. Baking.  Well actually, eating the things I baked.  But baking.  NOT cooking.
  9. Books.  Books, books, books.  Can hardly climb into bed for all the books littering the floor on my side.  Can I get a shout out for your local library and paperbackswap?!?!!?
  10. My bed.  Oh, my dear, dear, sweet bed.  There's nothing like it.
I want to hear from YOU ~ what makes YOU happy these days??  Share in the comments or give us your 10 on your own Happiness 101 post.