Bitter Much?

A while back Mrs. Fuzz of A Police Wife fame posted asking for input regarding the start up of a police wife support group.  You can read the post here.

Just the other day, Mr. Police Man posted his comment, asking why a support group for police wives is even necessary.  Here's what he had to say, I just copied and pasted from apolicewife: 

Please remember when reading this that I'm asking a question and not saying anything personal!

Why the need for a support group? 1) Cuz you don't like our odd hours?
2) The fact that many cops have some sort of "friend" where they work that gives them free coffee or even cooks them dinner? That could mean a family too, not saying its an affair.

3) Don't like that we have to be in control all the time?

4) Don't like that we just want you to do what we say and not ask why?

5) That we are irretable (sp?) when we get home because no one liked us at work and we need some "cave" time (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) to decompress?

I feel that a support group will just be a gripe session.

I'm a cop, male and have a degree in Psy. Neither of these make me able to understand the desire of women to bond. But maybe I did just give you some good quesitons to talk about at your first meeting.

Take care, keep that man of yours safe!

Honestly I am somewhat surprised to hear this from Mr. Police Man (MPM).  With all the talk about the brotherhood of blue or blue brotherhood of whatever it's called, it should be pretty obvious why the spouses of such folks employed in law enforcement would want their own "support group."  I thought I would answer his questions here because I believe this deserves an entire post unto itself.  I wouldn't be entirely surprised to hear this from a single male.  However, I'm thinking that MPM is married, or at least romantically involved, considering I skimmed his site and noticed he mentioned having a child.  So that surprised me.

But let's get started.  In short, the answer to all those questions MPM asks is YES.  But since I'm giving this comment an entire post, I might as well go into detail....

1) Cuz you don't like our odd hours?
While I may like the odd hours you are home, I don't like the odd hours when you are gone.

2) The fact that many cops have some sort of "friend" where they work that gives them free coffee or even cooks them dinner? That could mean a family too, not saying its an affair.

My husband is super, uber cautious about this one, so nope, I don't have a problem here.

3) Don't like that we have to be in control all the time?

Nope, don't like this.  I married you to be on your team, not take orders.  When you don't feel like you have to be in control all the time don't you notice how our family life is SO MUCH BETTER?

4) Don't like that we just want you to do what we say and not ask why?

See answer to #3. This is the kind of thing I expect from our children on a regular basis.  I am not your child.  If that's the kind of relationship you want with me, well... lots of things will be changing around here.

5) That we are irretable (sp?) when we get home because no one liked us at work and we need some "cave" time (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) to decompress?

Right again, MPM.  I am not the one that lied to you about x, y, or z and I didn't resist arrest or hit you in a head-on collision because I was drunk so don't take your irritability out on me.  You can have your cave time. I get it.  I just want mine, too.  And I want your cave time to actually DO something for your crappy attitude.

So like I said, the answer to all of MPM's questions are pretty much YES.

But a bigger reason why we, as cop's wives and not accountant's wives, like to seek out other LEO wives is because we have more of a chance of visiting our husband in the hospital or the morgue as a result of his job than that accountant's wife does.

I kiss my husband goodbye before his shift and say a prayer (or two or three or fifty) every day for him; that his bulletproof vest would work, that he can even get his gun out of his holster faster than the moron yanking who-knows-what out of his waistband, that his fingers won't freeze up when he has to pull the trigger before the "bad guy",  that his hippie-peace-loving-civil-rights-activist coworker won't be assigned as his cover officer...

All things that my civilian wife friends hear me say but do not comprehend.  All things that should be blatantly obvious to you, as a LEO, and certainly ARE to all my LEO wife friends.

And that accountant's wife?

While that accountant's wife may pray "Dear Lord, please don't let Microsoft Excel freeze up on my honey when he enters in that big number for the reimbursement request," she is certainly, in no uncertain terms, begging for the protection of the life of her dear loved one simply because she has sent him off to work.  This may be a little melodramatic, but come on.  Why did you spend six months at the academy if this isn't a dangerous job?

I feel that a support group will just be a gripe session.

So here, MPM, I'll take a guess that this is REALLY the problem you have with support groups.  I think this is really what you were trying to say.  Why get together when all you are going to do is gripe?  Now on THIS, we can agree.  I appreciate my LEO wife friends who can hear me complain and understand at a deeper level why this life is such a challenge.  They can hear about the difficulties in our marriage, relationship, and family life without saying "I sure hope your husband can find a different job some day."  (One of my dear civilian friends has told me this.)  I also treasure my LEO wife friends who can still love and care for my husband when they know the dirty, dank stuff of our lives, often exacerbated by the day in, day out, CRAP my husband sees at work.  That is true friendship.  That's support.  My LEO wife friends can say "Oh no, girl, you do NOT let him get away with that!" or "This is how we handled that..." and I know they are speaking with the voice of experience.  I appreciate that.  Because otherwise, MPM, you're right... it's just griping and what's the point of that?