Monday, September 12, 2011


I said goodbye to the teeny-tiny church and unfortunately, had to also say goodbye to the main friendship I had there.  I did the best I could to say goodbye, but things are never as they seem.  Evidently I'm a demanding, perfectionistic friend who will only be friends with you if you are perfect.  Yeah, I got the line "All we've ever tried to do is make you feel welcome and cared for...."  Thinking back on the conversation, I laugh.  She's the tall, skinny, beautiful mom who regularly cleans her house and cooks delicious meals for her family and her house is always all neat and picked up.  As a squishy mom [ahem] with piles of crap everywhere at home (including more dustbunnies than one could ever want), and a favorite meal of chicken nuggets and potstickers (organic, but does that even count?!?) I find it hard to believe that I will only be your friend if you are perfect.  Then again, you feel how you feel.

Talking through the conversation with my mom, I thought of all these things I wanted to say.... and she gently helped me see that defending myself to them isn't going to help.  So for now I'm mourning the loss of what I thought -- quite mistakenly -- was a deep, wonderful friendship and wondering how not to get myself in this predicament again.  sigh.

It's always something, isn't it?


Meadowlark said...

He helps you find the same path again and again and again until you figure out how to take the correct turn to where you're supposed to be.

Or as I tell my kids... bend your knees, because if He bends them for you, it might not be pretty.

Wishing you peace

Rebecca said...

Momma knows best. Isn't it true no matter how old we get? :-) Let God be your defender and don't meddle in smallness. Seems you are in transition. A challenging yet exciting time.

If I may share my thoughts,
Some folks are people pleasers {and might not know it}. If they aim to please "man" they'll never find joy in friendship/relationships because they'll always be let down for one reason or another. Only Jesus lived a perfect life. The life we need to examine and use as a plumb-line. If we aim to please him we in turn end up with a humbled and submitted will that cannot help but to flourish.
We learn a lot about ourselves, and others through relationships. Good and bad ones. Its character building. If you have peace about your decision to say goodbye than stand firm. God has a way of dealing with people in ways we cannot because he deals with the heart. Church planting and growth is a labor of love, love that encourages the congregation {weather big or small} to grow. Paul is the best example of this. Having said that perhaps God is using you in ways you cannot see right now? Perhaps it's His great love for you; and desire to see not only you but also your family grow deeper in faith?
I've done my fair share of church shopping as well as see folks who've left churches b/c they got personally + easily offended (mot that this applies to you).I've learned, we are to encourage one another in godliness. Trust that He'll bring those relationships in your path. Pray for your friend and ask God to give you a heart of forgiveness if you don't feel it right now. Love covers a multitude...
We are to use our mouths for blessing not to curse.
Sorry if I sound like a Dear Abby but I couldn't just think it and not say it.
PS I'm finally getting rid of a bunch of those "piles of crap" I've had everywhere ~FINALLY lol.
Lock on to Jesus and he will never let you down. Tested & Proven!