Wednesday, November 18, 2009

This is the only place it's quiet!

I know I have been quiet here recently.

Let me tell you, this is the only place it's been quiet. I mentioned we had H1N1 at our house (except for me) and now we have some other mystery something going around. We have approximately 140 square feet per person in this place and nowhere to put anything. (Does that makes sense?) I'm desperately afraid that in my quest to minimize I'm throwing out something I'd desperately want back at some point. (Happened when we got married, whoops.)

The "noisiest" thing (other than three squawking children and all the hullabaloo I mentioned in the previous paragraph) going on is that I'm kind of feeling purposeless and "mission-less". That makes a lot of noise and confusion in my head. I feel like I have my nose to the grindstone washing laundry, washing dishes (although I have hardly been cooking lately so I don't have any idea where the freaking dishes come from!), wiping noses and behinds and if I lift my head up too far then I will have to actually think about what my purpose is. I know, I know, you're going to recommend The Purpose Driven Life by Warren (or whoever that guy is) to me or something but that's not quite what I'm talking about. I feel like I am siting outside my own body watching myself engage in life and I am completely disengaged. I'm sure this is making no sense. It hardly makes any sense to me, which is why I'm trying to type through the confusion at the moment. I was pleading for a nanny the other day and a wise-cracking older friend told me to look in the mirror. It gave me a good chuckle but I had to honestly say -- I don't know who that is that is looking back at me in the mirror any more.... Oh! It must be the nanny then!!

I use the excuse that I'm a single wife of a LEO so I don't have time to [x, y, z]... but I wonder... when the kids are (more) grown, the J-O-B has died down, and I have my "self" back, what then? Will I make it until then?

So, ladies, what are you doing to take care of yourself NOW? Let me learn from you!!

4 comments:

LOUD&PROUD ♥MoNeeKa♥ said...

YES you will make it! My kids are 27,16,15,11-and very self sufficient,which is great most of the time but there are times I wish they were little again,so relish this time with your family,it goes by quick.
Sorry I have no good advice as to what you can do to get through this cause I can't seem to remember what I did during the singlewifemommaid phase,maybe thats a good thing? hang in there it will get better and easier!

mrs. fuzz said...

Girl, you make complete sense! It happens to me constantly. I'll be doing my 10th load of laundry of the day, and cleaning pee off the rug, and I think, "What am I doing?! I never thought I would be doing this, who am I?" It's an odd phase to be in when it was just like yesterday tha tI was in college and doing whatever I wanted to do. Some days are definitely harder than others. It's hard not to be resentful when I look around me and at the things I am doing constantly. There are so many things to say about this. Hmmm. I really do believe that this time in our lives when we have little kids really does fly past and we will look back and see that we didn't need to worry so much because we will eventually have all the time in the world so to speak. For me it's important to put things in order. 1. Spiritual 2. Physical 3. my marriage and my kids. When I put these in any other order all hell breaks loose it seems. Even with the spiritual comforts and energy and clarity of thought from physical exercise this life still drives me batty, but look at the youth we are surrounded by these days. We need better parents. That keeps me going because I want to have my kids be great adults and be surrounded by a loving family. My hobbies and interests always take a back burner, but when i'm organized it seems like I have a little time for everything without feeling guilty. now I think I'm rambling and not making any senses. I want to see what other people have to say about this.

mrsofficer said...

I totally understand my life is run by a schedule I didnt create!I wake up and its the same monotonous thing everyday. Trust that every wife/mom feels a burden and a heavy load to carry. Most of it is our own expectation we have for ourself. We like things done a certain way and well when I can't do it like that ahh it bothers me all day.There never seems to be enough time. BUT what gets me through it is the benefit i see my children get. STABILITY is one of the best things you can give them. I know they appreciate a clean home, a yummy meal and having mommy there to help with homework, or change a diaper.I know they dont say it to me, but when they smile, I just melt. This is just a small part of our life, you may feel like you dont know who you are when you look in the mirror, but look through the eyes of you children, Im sure they see you for everything you are and everything you do. God blesses us all with challenges,this too shall pass.Remember the outcome to the fruits of your labor,YOU are doing so much more than you know.

KD said...

Thanks for your encouragement ladies. I am a thinker (an emotional thinker but a thinker) and your comments are giving me good things to think about. Thank you. :)