Knock Knock!

At our house Austin, our 5 year old has discovered the joy of jokes. Well, he's discovered the idea of jokes. He just doesn't get jokes. He was ruined by Ready, Set, Read, and Laugh by Cole and Calmenson. There are a few knock knock jokes in there, and once he learned those, he was off and ruining, er, I mean running, with the jokes. Thankfully my mom gifted him with a few additional age-appropriate joke books so we've been relieved of the two or three main good jokes he knows, and all the scads of terrible jokes he makes up. Anyway, I've got knock-knock on the brain. ;)

I think this is the longest stretch I've gone without posting since I started this blog. We've been on vacation for the holidays, and it's just been easier to go cold turkey from blog land. I've peeked and commented on a few blogs, but I'm hoping that in the next week or two I'll be back to full speed. Or maybe not. Maybe I'll just go hide in the bed with the covers over my head as I am thrown full speed into "regular life" again next week. Sigh.

Speaking of peeking at blogs, you should go check out Mrs. Fuzz's recent post about the changes in her lovely LEO husband. Like many of us feel about our spouses, she loves and adores her dude but there sure is a lot to deal with if you transition into LEO work with your fella from another life. Go check out her post and be encouraged that you aren't alone!

Where's my cover?!?!

Slept less than 4 hours (in spats of 1 hour, 1 hour, and 2 hours while Austin was screaming. That's max, obviously. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT KID?!?!?) last night so I sure could have used some "cover" today to give me a break. NO GO.

So now I'm turning to you all! Now that it is dark before dinner here, we are stuck inside with "nothing to do" after dinner and before bedtime. On days when Hubs works (swing shift), I think at the end of the night that everyone is lucky to still be alive because we didn't kill each other. ;)

So cover me, peoples. What do you do to pass the time with your crazy small kids (and screaming baby) before bedtime?!!? argh!!! I'm going to go crazy!!

Can I still talk about Thanksgiving?

I know I'm a little slow to get with the program, but what did YOU do for Thanksgiving? I'm always interested to hear from the families of first responders how they celebrate holidays -- and WHEN! :)

My husband had to work on Thursday, so we had Thanksgiving at the police station! I kid you not. I tried to get my man to have Thanksgiving "lunch" but he was not interested. hmpf. All the other officers on his shift that day did, but I guess with DH old habits die hard, i.e. Thanksgiving Dinner must be eaten for DINNER!?!? Well whatever. Anyhow... We had dressing, garlic mashed potatoes, gravy, prime rib, and roasted butternut squash. Oh my! We got the prime rib already seasoned from Costco and just stuck it in the oven with a thermometer in it and Man-oh-Man was it tasty! (There was a little bit more discussion than that, we had to agree on how to cook it which was a perfect storm for a marital spat of course.) I also made Paula Dean's Pumpkin Gooey Cake, which was of course DELISH and a wonderful replacement for Pumpkin Pie -- if you are like me and love the idea of the Pumpkin Pie but can't really stand to eat it! lol.

I sent the cake and all the necessary paper products ahead with the husband. I packed up the food in a bunch of plastic containers, packed up the kids, and we drove over to the station -- the kids insisting on their "fancy shoes" for Thanksgiving Dinner, of course!-- and had dinner with DH. It was very short but sweet. A few other officers and a dispatcher came and had a few samples.... mostly of the cake, though, since they had all eaten before shift.

What did you do and how did you -- or DID you? -- celebrate?

Tragic Day Epitomizes a Police Wife's Fears

I couldn't have said it better myself. In anguish for these police wives and families, LAPD_Wife has hit the nail on the head: Tragic Day Epitomizes a Police Wife's Fears

In Honor Of Black Friday...

I thought I'd share with you what deals I am scoring today.

50 Free 4x8 Photo Cards from SeeHere.com
Shipping is $3.19 and this deal expires on Monday, Nov 30!

Free 8x10 Photo Collage from Walgreens
Order TODAY ONLY (Friday Nov 27) and pick up in-store any time


No longer valid!
Free 20-page Photo Book from PhotoWorks.com
Only good for the first 25,000 orders... but as of today at 1 pm still valid!

Spend $50 on Alice.com, get a $10 credit in your alice.com account (using this link)
I'm a shop-a-holic and a deal-a-holic on top of that. I like how this site automatically offers you coupons on products you are buying, and don't make it *impossible* to find good deals. They have a section "Shop The Best Deals," where I just found Clairol haircolor for 90 cents a box! Too bad I don't color my hair. They even let you shop by percentage discounts. This is my DREAM. :) Shipping is always free, and there is some minimum (I think 6 items?) but on your first order there is no minimum ~ I guess they just want you to try it.

$10 off your first order of $49 or more on diapers and formula at diapers.com plus FREE shipping. The coupon code for this one is my email address: handcuffed.heart@yahoo.com
I *LOVE* diapers.com. Especially since I live in an apartment, and mr. delivery man brings the boxes of diapers and wipes and toys to my front door, I'm swooning! Of course, being the deal-lover that I am, I like how they list the price-per-diaper on every box they sell. I love the super-fast, free shipping. I love the automatic coupons. In fact, I LOVE that they accept manufacturer's coupons -- you just mail them in and they add them to your account! I LOVE that they have always provided me with rockin' customer service. Swoon. I'm in love. Move over husband!

What kind of deals are you scoring today?!?! Don't leave me out, I am all about cheap and free!! :)

on pins and needles

I'm watching drama unfold on this morning's news, seeing DH's coworkers and hoping it all blows over before he goes in this afternoon. Let's hope they don't call him in early.

Praying for quick, easy, and SAFE resolution!

Eating...

Most people totally take eating for granted but it's a learned skill. (Sometimes it's one I wish I had never learned, ha ha.)

We're learning how to eat at our house.

Some important tips:

1) Food goes into the mouth and should be swallowed.

2) Food should not be played with like finger paint.


3) Nor should food be blown out of your mouth like bubble gum bubbles (although it's quite charming).


That's all for this Public Service Announcement.

Now it's your turn. What are you learning at your house? Are you doing any fun crafty things for Thanksgiving? I'm open to stealing your ideas! :)

This is the only place it's quiet!

I know I have been quiet here recently.

Let me tell you, this is the only place it's been quiet. I mentioned we had H1N1 at our house (except for me) and now we have some other mystery something going around. We have approximately 140 square feet per person in this place and nowhere to put anything. (Does that makes sense?) I'm desperately afraid that in my quest to minimize I'm throwing out something I'd desperately want back at some point. (Happened when we got married, whoops.)

The "noisiest" thing (other than three squawking children and all the hullabaloo I mentioned in the previous paragraph) going on is that I'm kind of feeling purposeless and "mission-less". That makes a lot of noise and confusion in my head. I feel like I have my nose to the grindstone washing laundry, washing dishes (although I have hardly been cooking lately so I don't have any idea where the freaking dishes come from!), wiping noses and behinds and if I lift my head up too far then I will have to actually think about what my purpose is. I know, I know, you're going to recommend The Purpose Driven Life by Warren (or whoever that guy is) to me or something but that's not quite what I'm talking about. I feel like I am siting outside my own body watching myself engage in life and I am completely disengaged. I'm sure this is making no sense. It hardly makes any sense to me, which is why I'm trying to type through the confusion at the moment. I was pleading for a nanny the other day and a wise-cracking older friend told me to look in the mirror. It gave me a good chuckle but I had to honestly say -- I don't know who that is that is looking back at me in the mirror any more.... Oh! It must be the nanny then!!

I use the excuse that I'm a single wife of a LEO so I don't have time to [x, y, z]... but I wonder... when the kids are (more) grown, the J-O-B has died down, and I have my "self" back, what then? Will I make it until then?

So, ladies, what are you doing to take care of yourself NOW? Let me learn from you!!

Top 10 Tips for Total Wellness

I just found a link from LAPD Wife about a site called "Cops Alive" and a recent post they shared stating the top 10 tips for total wellness. (How I wish I could have thought of a word that began with "F" to replace "wellness"!!) Anyway, it might be worth a visit ~ nothing you don't already know but unfortunately they also include links to research and support from places like the Mayo Clinic (oy vey!) so now it's not just good advice your mom gave you ~ but you avoided ~ now it's the professionals!! ha ha.

Like I said, most of the top 10 will come as no surprise. I did laugh out loud when it got to #8: Be Moderate in Your Intake of Caffeine and Sugar and Don’t Use Tobacco. Although my husband does not use either of those (much ~ although he does love a good Coke!), I'm pretty sure the majority of cops we know smoke or drink (a lot of) coffee or both.

Might be worth a quick look... you might learn something and bookmarking the site might yield something healthful helpful down the road. who knows?!?

Who are YOU?

Mrs. Fuzz blogged today about a recent on-shift incident of her husband, HF. Evidently a concerned citizen really needed proof that he was a true-to-life, authorized, uniformed cop. You can read all about it here.

Although it's not identical, DH had a similarly interesting event happen to him on shift a while back. A young woman, who lived in a house with a bunch of other young ladies, had been inappropriately advanced upon by a male while walking home. Once she arrived back to her house, she told some of her housemates and eventually someone called 911 (or let's hope it was the non-emergency number since there was no immediate danger -- although I doubt it!) and requested an officer come by. On DH's beat, he took the call and when he arrived at the house someone let him in. Eventually several ladies descended upon him and demanded he leave the house until he could provide proper credentials.

Excuse me?

I know DH (and now all of you!) are thinking the same thing: "YOU called ME and now you want me to prove I'm the real deal?"

That would be one really sneaky criminal to
1) listen to the radio
2) beat the REAL cop to the address
3) be gone before the REAL cop shows up

Oh. My. I did forget to ask if these were all blondes. Given the law of averages I'm sure they were not. But I do wonder... was I really that dumb 10 years ago too? I hope not!!

Scrap Award

Mrs. Officer over at MrsOfficer2U sent The Honest Scrap award my way. It's been fun reading random, honest facts about folks in the blogsphere so I am finally, finally getting with it and contributing mine! Thanks for the link, Mrs. Officer!

Here are my 10 honest things:

1. I'm a third generation native of this fine state where I reside. In fact, before I moved away from my hometown, I was a third generation native of my hometown. Now that I am older I wish I still lived there, but I cannot convince my husband to move back to my hometown. :(

2. For the last 15 years I have lived within a 2 mile radius in an area that is usually pretty transient.

3. We don't give our kids sugar. By that I mean candy and dessert-type things. They eat muffins (occasionally), fruit, yogurt, and things like that but not the hardcore sugar. I figure some day that will all be over and that's fine. But I'm such a sugar addict I don't want them to get started using at such a young age!

4. I don't remember the first time I met my husband. We were in college and we were paired up to do an afternoon outreach event, but I have no recollection of the day. At the time he thought "I could marry this nerdy girl" (which I only found out the day he proposed, and almost caused me to say "Did you just call me nerdy? And ask me to marry you? No!!"). Five years after our initial meeting we were reacquainted (or acquainted, depending on who you ask!) and later married.

5. Instead of moving to West Africa, I married my husband.

6. I am a shopaholic. I was well trained by my mom. I learned how to calculate percentages by shopping the racks at Macy's at a young age. (Although back then it wasn't called Macy's.) I have champagne taste on a beer budget and I usually succeed with my champagne. I'm just patient, willing to buy high-quality used items, and always on the lookout for a great deal! :) One of my girlfriends claims I have built-in sale radar, finding things she didn't even know were right in front of her face. It's hilarious.

7. A huge defining event in my life is that my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor just weeks after I left home for college. He died 18 months after his diagnosis, in the midst of all sorts of folks "dying on me" left and right. I'm not too skittish about death and talking about it because I've experienced plenty of it, and society does us a disservice by sweeping it under the rug.

8. My husband and I are different in almost every way imaginable. That makes for some great frustrations but great fun, too.

9. I'm (generally) a pretty friendly, outgoing person. However, I am a very private person. Being that I feel more anonymous on this blog, I let go of my obsessive need for privacy somewhat. :)

10. I have always wanted to work in the health care field or be a lawyer. It is so cliche but.. oh well. I'm already scheming about how I can go back to school in one of these fields once my babies are not such babies.

I'm taking the tack of copswife over at Married to the Law.... It feels like many of the folks in my little sphere have already done or been named, and I'd hate to hoist this on someone. So if you're reading this and you haven't done this yet, consider yourself tagged and get on with your 10 Honest Things! :)

Just lovely....

This sure helps the law enforcement community.... NOT!!!

link with video here:
Dirty Cops of the Day

Breaking News (of the family kind)

We are on the tail end of the H1N1 flu virus at our house (according to our pediatrician). I have a doozy of a story to tell you about the nasty, nasty person that DH had to transport from one jail ("We don't want this one any more so you can have him back") to another ("We won't take him") to another ("Don't worry, we'll bring out the brigade") (and they did -- all 20 of them) but in the meantime DH actually had to touch the guy and got spit on. Yes, spit is disgusting but my husband is probably more phobic about spit than anything else in the world. As he recounted to his supervisor, "I would have rather taken a bullet than get that nasty guy's spit on me!" (Of course I thought that was a little extreme, but to put it in perspective even I had doubts that he would ever kiss me because of his extreme spit phobia -- and so did lots of our friends!!)

Two days after this incident DH was very, very sick. (Not sure if it is a coincidence or what.)

Three days later Charlotte was running a 104.5 temperature with other flu-like symptoms.

The next day Austin started a fever and cough (that was all he got, thank GOODNESS!).

Two days later Dallas got it, and BOY! Let me tell you!! Do NOT let your baby get the H1N1 virus! ack!!!

So, I'm here to tell you, get vaccinated! I know, I know, I know!!! Touchy subject, and I actually think that one shouldn't discuss politics, religion, or vaccinating..... but woah. This is intense, especially on a little baby. I was totally on the fence about vaccinating against H1N1 -- in fact hadn't totally decided one way or the other -- but now I just feel so bad about it for my children. :( Added to the fact that the advice nurse was calmly telling me to rush to the Emergency Room, my pediatrician gave me her home phone number and has called me four times.... ack. When my health care professionals are that concerned, I get a little worried. The good news is that it finally seems like maybe we've turned the corner.

With that, I'll leave you with a fun item from Austin talking on the phone with my mom:

Grandma: "How are you feeling, Austin?"

Austin: "I feel good. Except I have a little cough."

Grandma: "Oh that's good. I'm glad you are feeling better."

Austin: "Yes, I only have my cough. It sounds like barking and a motor. You know, a motor that has a peanut stuck in it, it sounds like that."

Uh, yeah.... well, um... I have no idea where he got that or what a motor with a peanut stuck in it sounds like, but, there you have it folks! A day in the life at our house. We're on day 9 of the kids' illnesses (12 if you count DH) and I am totally thanking God that I have not gotten sick. Now, I'm off to nap while I... oh, um, I'm off to pick up the baby since he just woke up. Doh!!

Another Fallen Officer

This is a tragedy and, again, senseless. Please join me in praying for this officer's family and the Seattle Police Department.

Link here:
Seattle officer killed; police searching for suspects

I'm thinking the novelty has worn off now...

...and I'm actually ambivalent about DH working swing shift.

The kids (well, the ones that can talk anyway) seem to think DH has a second job now, since he goes to work so early in the day. Then, around 9 AM they ask why he hasn't come home from work yet. (On graves he would come home during breakfast.) They are so surprised when I tell them he is sleeping. They are corn-fused!

So, I don't love it. I don't hate it. It works out "ok." One thing that is a bummer is that sometimes I'd be able to run to the store after kiddie bedtime and before DH took off for work. Well THAT ain't happenin' with DH on swings!

One funny item... We live near the station so there's a little carpool that will occasionally swing by to pick him up on the way in to work. The other night the driver got held over so DH walked home and offered to drive home anyone in the carpool (who are definitely NOT within walking distance!) in case the driver got held over too long. Well the crack in that perfectly planned idea was that DH had forgotten his keys at home so was not only locked out of the car, but also locked out of the house. I woke up about 40 minutes after DH was supposed to be home (that's right, Dallas is still not catching on to the sleep-all-night thing) and wondered if I should call and check in with him. I would never have called so soon after any other shift, but for some reason I thought about it.... and decided not to.

I puttered around a bit, feeding the baby and getting a drink of water when lo-and-behold the phone rings. DH had heard the baby crying from the street and was calling to ask if I would let him in the house. I should have said NO but I said yes. :) Aren't I the doting wife?

Happy Halloween to you crazy people and stay safe!

I just sit around and eat bonbons all day...

In addition to sitting around and eating bonbons all day (yes I've trained the three kidlets to care for themselves, and the baby even changes his own diaper!), I surf the web.

Tonight I was on Cafe Press. I typed in "police" in the search box, and here for your reading pleasure are some of my favorite slogans, in no particular order:

• BDRT: Baby Daddy Removal Team
• It Became My Problem When You Called 911
• God Made Police Officers so Firemen Would Have Heroes (I'm not commenting, just saying I think it's funny, 'k?)
• crooks+drunks+dummies+dumbasses=job security (ha ha ha)
  

For the younger set:

• resisting a rest ** THIS ONE would have been purchased in two seconds if I had found it a few months ago -- Dallas was NOT SLEEPING for those of you who recall my complaining.

Ok, well, that's enough of that entertainment. I'm happy to report, that if you have been around long enough, you know I've been longing for a new toaster oven. I'm sad to report that no, I did not get the one I'd been salivating over (with the $225 price tag) but I did get the next best thing (I hope) at Costco today ~ their Cuisinart Toaster/Convection Oven is on coupon right now... at $80 I couldn't pass it up! I'm so excited!!

And THAT, people, is this week's THANKFUL THURSDAY (on Friday).... Thankful for humor and thankful for my new toaster oven! :) Have a great weekend.

It's no fancy Bento...

...but it's what my kids had for lunch the other day.


See Mrs. Fuzz's posts on Fuzz Food for bento inspiration!!

boy, am I bummed!

I have been anxiously awaiting the Season 2 premiere of Southland on NBC since the last show of Season 1. I LOVED it. Yeah, ok, it had it's problems.... It was especially hilarious (as opposed to the drama they intended it to be!) watching it with a real life cop. Notice I said "WAS."

That's right, NBC canceled the show!

Yup, you heard it here (and I'm only repeating information I found here and here).

That rookie officer would turn me into a badge bunny any day. Oh well. I guess there are good things about watching LESS tv, not more. ;)

p.s. Hope you enjoy the new fall theme of the blog. In light of my inability to make any space whatsoever in our tiny home to be crafty, y'all are getting stuck with the little bit of "craftiness" I can create in my life. so, enjoy!

The novelty hasn't worn off yet...

Taking into account that the "newness" of being on swings ~ a pure NOVELTY, I tell ya! ~ has not worn off yet, I still think I'm going to like them. DH keeps repeating over and over how horrible swings are for families. Actually so far I really like it. He's around and (GET THIS!) coherent for lunch and early afternoon, then it's off to work. The evening is mellow without him and easy going. I'm less stressed out for some reason. I think because overall it's way fewer hours that I'm trying to keep the kidlets quiet while Daddy is sleeping. Who knows. Bedtime requires a well choreographed dance, but it always has. I can make a big meal for lunch alongside as I'm making breakfast. That works better for me.

But so far, I give it a reserved thumbs up. :)

Thankful Thursday on Friday

1. I'm thankful that my children and I were kept safe from the crazy man running around last weekend. He was *SO* crazy but not in a steer clear kind of way. He was crazy in the "Oh no I've already started a conversation with you and now I realize you are out of your mind and I'm terrified for my life" kind of way.

2. I'm thankful that DH wasn't too busy to "babysit" me while I waited for the local fuzz to come by for the burglary attempt. I'm assuming it was crazy guy (see #1 above) but who knows.

3. I'm thankful that whoever the criminal was (see #2 above).... s/he didn't steal anything.

4. I'm thankful for Mrs. Fuzz over at A Police Wife. She always has interesting things to say and today she shared a photo of a fun bag I would love to own (but am too cheap to buy).


5. I'm thankful for the "maturity" I displayed in the first week of DH on swing shift. (Don't everyone laugh at once.) I decided to just go with the flow and let a natural schedule emerge that we can tweak later. This is progress for the control freak, people!

And now I'm proud to say I have done ALL the dishes, cleaned ALL the counter tops (the visible parts of it anyway!), and I'm going to bed. Happy weekend, everyone!

a REAL 'thankful thursday'

Yes, REAL in that I'm REALLY posting on a Thursday!

First, I cannot BELIEVE it is already October. My life is passing me by as I sit on the side of the road in a sleep-deprived stupor. sigh.

I'm thankful that there was no fire in our building last night. Curious? Read on.

Around 6:30 PM last night the fire alarm went off. And it wasn't stopping. After thinking "gee I really should have a better renter's insurance policy" I peeked outside and, seeing nothing suspicious, carefully opened the door. I did a quick sweep of the three residential levels and saw nothing interesting. No pulled fire alarms, no smoke. My next thought was that the gas dryer in the laundry room had gone haywire (they recently replaced it with a new OLD -- yes, older than we had before !!!! -- gas dryer) and we had a raging fire in the laundry room. That would not be good. Anyway, nope, no smoke, no heat, and peeking in the window, no apparent fire in the laundry room. EXCEPT for the **pulled fire alarm handle** !!!! ugh!!! Nice. Don't you people have anything better to do than to maliciously pull the fire alarm?? Oh, I forgot, with the crappy economy you are jobless and trying to find ways to occupy your time.

Now I'm getting a little hazy on the order of events here but at some point I went into the bedroom and said to DH "Hey, dude, wake up! Do you know how to turn off the fire alarm?" (Come on, cops have to be good for *something*!) Negative. Note that by now the alarm had been going off for several minutes, and he is still sleeping. "Oh, that's ours? Call the fire department." [snore] I quickly Google the FD non emergency number (by this time I'm 99.99999% sure there is no fire), and call in the alarm. Sigh. Of course the dispatcher wants to know who pulled it (not me) and if I smell smoke or see a fire (nope).

Interesting factoid about our living situation: Our bedroom window faces the home where our affectionately named "crazy lady" neighbor lives. She drives an old, loud convertible and she likes to listen to loud (although generally decent) music in her convertible. She likes to warm up said loud convertible while listening to her loud music and talking -- at the only level she knows -- LOUD. While DH is trying to sleep during the day, this is a recipe for disaster. But evidently she's a good neighbor. While I was checking out the fire situation she had moseyed over to see what was going on, and how soon the cars in the garage would catch fire and then burn up her house. So nice. In fact, she had a nice little chat with Austin and Charlotte. Sooo nice.

So the alarm continues to scream while Austin, Charlotte, Dallas and I are waiting out front for the FD. (Because you know, no one "responsible" lives here and will give the FD access where they need it.) They sent two large ladder trucks (trucks? engines? happy medic would not be proud) and as they pull up I see several of them leaning out the window and assessing the building. (Yes, guys, honestly, no fire here.)

So they all hop out, swarm the building, I give them the keys they need for the access they need and eventually, after the 1950s era alarm is silenced, all is well. They agree with me that there is no fire and the alarm was maliciously pulled. Lovely.

So all's well that ends well. (I guess?) The funniest part of the whole thing was at the end, when one FF from each truck brought over a few hats for the kids, one older and one hot younger.... at which point the older one (who'd beaten him by a few seconds) says to the younger "Hey, rookie, too slow! Glad there's no fire!"

Anyone notice....

...how "Thankful Thursday" really doesn't work for me?!?! I haven't posted ONCE on a thursday about my thankfulness. :( boohiss. I'm contemplating changing it to another day which will totally NOT have a nice ring to it or keeping it Thankful Thursday and posting whenever the heck I feel like it so that.... um... so that I can be thankful for the freedom and flexibility I've given myself (which is usually nonexistent). We'll see.

I feel like The Man at DH's dept is really socking it to the pee-ons. I'm not exactly sure how you spell "pee-on" but for today, spelling it this way makes sense. As in, The Man is peeing on all the people below Him, making them pee-ons. Ok, ok, I digress. Who is The Man you ask? I'm not really sure. It seems like it is always someone different. Or it's a conspiracy. Who knows. It's everyone who has drunk the departmental kool-aid and is going with the flow to screw over everyone -- although of course in truth I hear the most about how it's happening to DH and the other officers.

This has been making home life miserable for me. What other things can I complain about? The list is long. I kind of feel like, having read several other police wife blogs lately, that I don't even need to enumerate the ways I could complain because you all already know. :) So instead I will go with my....

THANKFUL THURSDAY topic. I am thankful that:

• My children are now 5, 3, and 4.5 months.
  
• I watched video of my two olders from about 15 months ago. Dallas didn't exist..... Charlotte was wearing diapers, Austin had a squeaky voice (not that it's dropped all that low or anything!), and I was so kind to them. (It must have been that I knew I was being taped for all eternity.) All three of these things seemed so significant!! I almost cried. Life was so different then. No matter how much I hate a lot about my life at this exact moment, looking at that video was precious, precious, precious. It reminded me that we all start out like this and we are ruined in one way or another. NO, I do not think we are innately good. Have a baby who cries for no stinking reason (I have one of those!!) and you will know this is not true. I have not taught either Austin or Charlotte to be selfish, mean, and rude, and yet somehow this comes out of their little selves. Every one of those criminals DH deals with started out like this. Precious, sweet, trusting... and pretty quickly or somewhere along the line or who knows when, something went horribly wrong for them and their lives. Each one of them has a mom, dad, brother, sister, or someone out there that holds some memory of their precious sweetness. I can think of a perfect, publicized example but I can't bring myself to mention it. Anyway! In watching this one, three minute video I am grateful for the reminder of the innocence of my children and the renewed desire to protect that in them and not be the reason for it's demise.
• Bible study has started back up again. We are studying the book of Genesis and right from the beginning I am getting walloped with marriage, the meaning of life, and all sorts of things that I have wanted to go my own way on recently. Thankful for the compass to be renewed and set on course.
• And to finish on a lighter note... I'm thankful that DH's football team won today (but not mine!!)
  

That's all for now. Time for resting my weariness!

Thoughts on jobs

Yes, we're talking about jobs today. You may have noticed I've been posting more sporadically for a while now. Kindergarten is kicking my butt! I crack myself up when I say that, but it's true. We are trying a homeschool approach to K this year since Austin would be a very young Kindergartner... anyway, we have some class days too and between all that and the I-will-sleep-and-eat-when-I-want-to-and-you-won't-make-me-do-it-your-way #3 child, well, Kindergarten along with life in general has been kicking my butt.

So, that has meant a lot more "prepared" foods and more eating out than I would like. I wouldn't mind it if it was healthy and cheap but it seems you can only do either healthy (and expensive) OR cheap (and inexpensive). sigh. It also wouldn't be so bad if my husband's love language wasn't food!! :(

Oh, yes, the husband. The Job has been on my mind lately. There are lots of personnel changes afoot at the dept and unfortunately Hubs has been seeing the true, not flattering side of many of the people he works with/for. It makes me so sad for him ~ it's like a whole other "job" on top of the regular "job" to muck through the politics and give people the opportunity to do the right thing. Of course lately it has seemed that most of the time they choose not to do the right thing and that really makes me sad for the work environment over there!!

Recently I had the opportunity to drive Hubs to work and drop him off. It was a surreal feeling having him get out of the car and say goodbye. I don't know why that is?!?! It felt wrong, almost like a premonition that something was going to go terribly wrong that shift. Of course, one of his superiors royally screwed him over that day so maybe that's what I was foreseeing. NOT! I'm not into all that gobbledy-gook. I think it was just a difference in driving him myself vs. him walking out our front door and driving himself. Weird. Do you ever get a weird "sense" that something wrong is up with your spouse??

Even weirder was the zillion-hour shift he pulled recently. Saying goodbye after lunch and "I'll see you tomorrow" is just bizarre.

Finally, a little poll on your department's "work rules."

• Does your department have rules that require a minimum number of hours off between shifts?
  
• Is there a maximum number of hours allowed to be worked in a 24 period or shift?
  
• Of course, my favorite question: Do the powers that be actually abide by these rules?!?!? :)

Book giveaway...

One thing you may not know about me yet is that I am a book addict. Good thing there's no law against it 'cuz I'd be in the slammer if there were. Husband loves to read too, but not quite a ferociously as I do so I think it gets under his skin a bit too much.

I recently found a blog through a blog through a blog (you know the web is a complete rabbit trail!) and Krista is giving away a copy of Sarah Reinertsen's new book, In a Single Bound: Losing My Leg, Finding Myself, and Training for Life. I entered to win but since I'm such an addict I am blogging about it so I can get a second entry. :D I'm still skeptical about all these blog giveaways. The ONE time I was told I won something... I never got it in the mail!! boo hiss!

Go enter to win it yourself! But hurry, only open until Sunday.

Thankful Thursday (on Friday)

This week I am thankful that...

• husband has a job
• I have a mini vacation at hand
  
• my friend took all three kids to the park so I could tackle my massive to-do list
• we had burgers for dinner and I went "AB" on mine -- "absolutely bare" just like the good old days
• my brother got his cast off (after 10 weeks or some such unthinkable length of time!)
• the weather thinks it's still summer here
• the fan didn't break when I knocked it over -- twice
  

That should be good for now. :) How about you?

Thankful "Thursday"

Many Thankful Thursdays have come and gone since I declared I would start the tradition. No time like the present. The good thing about that declaration is that I've been consciously looking for things I could be thankful for throughout the week. Some of the good stuff in recent memory includes:

• insight/wisdom into my husband's addled brain: after a 48 hour period where he had maybe 5 hours of sleep, we were at the grocery store and he was acting like a zombie. NO JOKE! Instead of getting irritated I realized what was going on and took charge. ah. much better.
• husband cooking lots of good food for some great friends at our place. Fun, yummy times.
• friends who take my kids places and leave me in peace for a bit
• a new school year
• kindergarten!!
• husband *has* a job (no matter how crappy it might seem at times ~ for him AND me!)
• I'm in love with Dallas. He steals my heart every day at some point even when I'm not-so-happy with him.
  

You say it's your Birthday

In lieu of anything else interesting to report, I'm here today to give you a blow-by-blow account of how my recent cupcake making went the way of Murphy's Law.

One of my closest friends had a birthday party recently. Our birthdays are pretty close, so a while back she emailed me to ask if I'd be offended to attend her birthday party on the actual day of my birthday. I'm a LEO wife, right? Of course not! Who has to celebrate their own birthday on their actual birthday?!?!

It was a semi-potluck event ~ guests were to bring sides, appetizers, and desserts. Since it was on my birthday I thought I would go all out and make cupcakes. And not just any old cupcakes, mind you! Chocolate Chai Spice cupcakes. My mom made them for my birthday last year so I knew they are quite tasty.

I started off this project the day before the party. I have three kids, I knew it was going to take me two days to assemble two dozen cupcakes! Did you click on the link for the recipe up there? Did you see how Chai has some "weird" stuff in it, stuff you might typically have laying around? Whole fennel, whole cloves, ground cardamom, ground cinnamon, ground ginger?
Would you believe it, I had every ingredient for this entire recipe (including a Scharffen Berger chocolate bar and Scharffen Berger cocoa powder!) except the whole fennel, a stick of butter, and powdered sugar. So, bright and early on the day I got busy sifting flour, measuring cocoa powder, and then the fun began. Some of the high(low)lights were:

1. Early on in the process we treked up the street to the hole-in-the-wall "medicinal" store to get the whole fennel. Oops, they only take cash for purchases under $7. I dug around for some coins in the stroller and with my three quarters got an ounce of fennel for 70 cents. Ok, maybe this trip won't be so bad after all...
2. We booked it down the street in the 90 degree heat and picked up our butter. Success, albeit a sweaty one.
3. Back home for lunch and naps. In between making everyone else happy, I melted the chocolate, beat the crap out of the batter (as directed!!) and soothed a fussing baby when Austin came to tell me "Mom, I can't do anything else to make Dallas happy!" (Oh I *so* know how you feel son!!)
4. By 2:30 I'd baked a batch of cupcakes and the nightmare was beginning. I guess when you beat the batter for a total of almost 8 minutes with EIGHT eggs... you're bound to get some souffle-like qualities. What I *didn't* like was having the top look like a beautiful souffle and the inside being a regular, dense, yummy cupcake. That meant this huge air pocket at the top into which the crunchy top just crumbled.
5. I decided to peel off/smoosh down (yes, the culinary term is "smoosh") the crunchy meringue parts on top and frost these babies.
6. Austin was soooo excited about frosting the cupcakes. I'd bought some plastic frosting tips earlier in the week and he had been carrying them around, reading the package. "Mom, do you want to use the round tip, the leaf tip, the star tip, or the flower tip?"
7. Of course I was too cheap to buy the fancy frosting bags, so I cut off a corner of a giant ziploc bag and started frosting the cupcakes with that.
8. Things weren't going so well. The frosting wouldn't come out of the tip without a lot of pressure on the bag. Know why?? Two holes had sprouted on the side of the bag and the frosting was gushing out there. uh... yeah.... piles and piles of frosting all over the counter and cupcakes right where I DIDN'T WANT IT!!!!
9. I ditched the bag idea (don't have to tell you how disappointed Austin was!) and started frosting them with my new fancy offset spatula. Dear Lord, come quickly!

Here's the end result. They looked like crap but tasted amazing. It was interesting to hear people's guesses before they ate them: "Ginger? Cocoa? Cinnamon? Peanut Butter?"



Maybe next time I'll go my mom's route and just add the spices to a box of chocolate cake mix!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes...

Wow, I just googled "ch-ch-ch-changes" and you would not BELIEVE how many people use that online. Anyway, I was trying to find the lyrics and with all you unoriginal people out there using this for your blog posts it took me a few tries. I wanted to see if the lyrics to the song actually apply to my post, but... well... I was too lazy to read through them all. (You can read them on your own.) So here 'goes.

I've probably mentioned more than once that Hubs works graves, going in to work a little after the kids are in bed and getting home a little after they wake up. (It sure would be nice if he'd get home a little earlier in the morning because I could stay asleep and he could be in charge of morning wake up call! But I digress...) I was recently thinking about how Hubs has only been on days (my dream schedule!) for maybe 12 months of his career. The remainder of his time on has been graves, and mostly by choice. At least I'm pretty sure that's how it's happened. I was just thinking that come the next shift change, I'd be excited to try something new and I was thinking of suggesting the "dreaded swing shift." It starts around 2 or 3 PM at this dept, and Hubs has always said he thinks it's the absolute worst for families. Except for a short stint while on FTO "we've" never been on swings (and you LEO significant others know it's a WE in this!). I'm willing to try anything for a time given enough breathing room and advance notice. Aren't I the gem? So I was somewhat surprised when Hubs called the other night and told me it was his turn for shift sign up. What a ko-ink-y-dink. "Already??" I asked incredulously. So we went around and around for half an hour...not a good idea on my part at midnight, but oh well.

The verdict?

Swings it is.

Give me a few months and I'll either be singing it's praises or begging for mercy and a return to graves. Only time will tell!

Are they bulletproof??

I received a link to this article from Police Link, which I guess at one time I subscribed to out of sheer frustration and need to connect on any level. Well, a few days back I was rewarded with this hilarious article. Well, the article isn't necessarily hilarious but the title of it is:

Sheriff's Office Fighting High Crime Areas With Sumo Suits

What's your first thought? Of course mine, as mentioned in the title, is "Are those sumo suits bulletproof? Probably not the best outfit for undercover work, but, ok..." Hope you get a good laugh like I did out of the inconsequential.

and... We're back!

What a rude return to "real" life I've had the last 36 hours! Wow! Of course none of my processing or "solution creating" that I mentioned in the last post really happened while I was gone. That's OK. The one -- probably ONLY! -- thing I came up with was that I really use this blog as more of a complaining thing than anything else. To have a LITTLE bit of balance I'm toying with starting "Thankful Thursday" ~ because it sounds neat and I need some BALANCE here people!! So stay tuned for that. You'd think I could (and should!) be grateful every day but I'm just taking baby steps here....

Being with my family was INSANE. It was non stop from morning 'til night -- but enjoyable because I didn't have the added burden of keeping up my whole life that I normally have here. When the kids were in bed, my day was over. Period. No cleaning, straightening, cooking, laundry, etc. Unfortunately Hubs and I had some more major spats via telephone which is always fun, and now that I'm back we're both still in our own separate corners. Before we were married an older, wiser couple encouraged us to always try to "Get in the same foxhole." If you know what a foxhole is, good for you. Basically, if me & Hubs are in the same foxhole it's us shooting against the world, instead of us being in separate foxholes shooting at each other. I feel like we more often engage in the latter, and in fact sometimes we try to get in foxholes with OTHER people instead of each other. Ok, this is getting a little esoteric but it's on my mind.

It just so happens that at this very blissful minute both Charlotte and Dallas are sleeping so I'm going to go make the most of it and quite possibly catch my own little cat nap. G'night!

thanks :)

I want to quickly say thank you for the thoughtful comments regarding how to "keep it all together" in the family. :) Intellectually I know I am not the only one, but it really was nice readi1ng through those comments and seeing how some of you attack the whole "opposite schedule" thing.

We didn't necessarily "kiss and make up" over our spat from the other day, but we did get to discuss it a bit. That's progress, I suppose. I'm still frustrated, because I think "The Job" is taking a large emotional toll on my man and that really makes me mad. Some of it is politics, some of it is the stress of the actual job, and who knows what-all-else. I'm a "fixer" and this is one thing I can't really fix. So... what to do???

For one thing, this blog will be on vacation for a bit. I think I mentioned my mom and brother had surgery within a day of each other a few weeks back. I'm heading there tomorrow with the three kidlets (it will be Dallas' first flight!!) and will be helping out -- or at least distracting them -- for a while. Given that my mom's husband is headi1ng back to work and my brother's wife is heading out of town, it's good timing. Not only that, but they have both, within the last week, been in and out of the hospital with complications. I don't know what drug I am on to think that I will have the time while being away from hubs to get perspective on the family and maybe come up with some "solutions" to try when we get back. I put "solutions" in quotes because I'm sure that's NOT what they will be -- maybe I should use the word "options" instead. I think it's going to be insane but I'm really looking forward to a little change of scenery before school starts.

If something uber exciting comes up, I'll let you know. Otherwise I'll see you in a few weeks. Speaking of school starting up, I've heard that a good number of "first responder families" homeschool their kids because it works out much better family-schedule-wise with shift work. Any of you out there homeschool, or is it "traditional" school for your family?

Where's my punching bag??

I just have to say I am really, really angry right now about how my husband's job is infringing on our family time. Part of it is the job, part of it is personalities... We had a little spat this morning and I'm still processing it ~ internally and with the man eventually ~ so I won't say more here. But I'm really discouraged.

So, while I'm ruminating, how do you guys keep the weird shift-work schedule and emotional exhaustion from ruining your family and marriage relationships?

More on privacy

Copswife has gotten a good discussion going over on her blog with her recent post about privacy. Given that I recently posted about it too, I thought I'd mention it.

Now I'm going to go flip my burning pancakes. :)

Late again...

**please note. After I wrote this whole post I realized: this may not be a post for you to read if you really worry about your husband's safety in law enforcement. I am pretty honest about my fears and if reading about them will get your fears going, just skip to the last paragraph, or skip this post altogether. There'll be other ones soon, I promise!**

Hero's Wife at The Daily Chase posted her first blog entry today about her husband's first day on the job. She mentioned what we all know as something not unusual -- husband came home late. The accompanying fear that goes along with that is something that many wives of first responders are also highly aware of. I'll get back to that in a second (the fear part). I haven't commented on it yet, but Renee over at LAPD Wife had a recent post which made me laugh out loud because she hit the nail on the head, and it's something I have a really difficult time explaining to all my "civilian" friends: There is always a Plan A (with husband) and Plan B (without husband).

So that's two people who have recently talked about having their husband come home late from work. With that fresh in my mind, guess what happened to me today? Husband was ONE HOUR late coming home, and I didn't hear anything from him. For us, this is highly unusual. If it gets to be half an hour late, he will call or text me to let me know "I'm going to be late." This makes me chuckle of course because, honey, you're ALREADY late. :) But I'm always very very grateful to know that he is OK, just late. When it gets to be one hour late and I haven't heard anything, I call him... and no response means I'm calling dispatch to find out where you are and reporting your sorry self for being an AWOL husband!! (just kidding, I have never done that last part.)

This morning as the minutes were ticking by, I didn't really notice because all three children were awake earlier than I'd like them to be and we were getting ready for the day with our usual level of chaos. The odd thing is, I had actually gotten up even earlier than them, taken a shower & washed my hair (don't fall over!), gotten dressed and was ready *before* them. This is a huge deal, as anyone with three children (one of them being a 2.5 month old) can tell you. :) But every once in a while as I kept checking the clock, I wondered if it was *not* a coincidence that I was awake and ready for the day early. I was actually waiting for a knock or phone call to tell me something had happened to Hubs, and it was God's way of looking out for me that I wouldn't have to stress over one more thing -- being in my pj's -- when I heard from someone at the door that my husband was injured/maimed/killed.

Well, good thing husband walked in just as I was getting ready to call his AWOL self so all of the worrying and reporting was quickly forgotten. It was simply another chance to lay aside my fears for The Big Guy Upstairs to take care of. "Simply" is surely not the best choice of words because as we all know, it's not a "simple" thing to do. In some ways I am always grateful for these types of little "worry" reminders because I move along to things such as: Does he know I love him? Am I loving him and our family moment by moment instead of waiting for something bigger and better to come along in our future? Are his "end of watch" papers in order? Can I get some more life insurance on him? (ha ha) You know... all those things that are easy to kind of brush off to the side when you don't necessarily have death staring you in the face on a regular basis as many first responders do. While death is certain and life is not, as a culture we often act as if it is life that is certain and death that is uncertain. I don't want to take my man or my family for granted. Don't you do it either! :)

Poll

I know, two posts in one week, don't fall over. This is purely a selfish, "poll taking" post. I have used our toaster oven for anything and everything -- as both a toaster and an oven -- and it has finally completely died, after 5.5 years. I should probably investigate repairing it but I'm too lazy so now I'm looking for a new one.

Here's the one I'm salivating over

Unfortunately the cop has nixed the $225 price tag, even though this one cooks for you and wipes your nose. :(

Do you have a toaster oven? Would you recommend it (or not)? What's the make/model?

who ARE you?

If you're a cop's wife, you are probably one private person -- or forced to be one! I know privacy comfort levels vary with as many different colors of LEO uniforms there are out there, but I just wanted to put out some thoughts about privacy as it particularly relates to law enforcement.

I've always been a somewhat private person, especially when it comes to the internet. It's not that I'm not willing to share information or "go deep" with someone, but I don't necessarily want to do it in the typically one-sided form of a blog. I always like to remind myself that anything I write I should be happy having discussed on the 5 o'clock news. So that's me, just for starters.

But now I'm married to a cop. In fact, I live within walking distance of his department, so it's safe to say I live within the jurisdiction where he works. Hm. Think about *that* for a while!! Just last week the kids and I were at the park, and hubs actually came along. (shock of the month!) He noticed that someone driving by slowed down and gave him a dirty look. Of course I was oblivious (or he was having an overactive imagination) but it really got him going. I just brushed it off -- I think I have hero-pedestal complex when it comes to my husband. I figured if it *was* someone coming after him, he would save us and we'd all live happily ever after.

I don't know about the "happily ever after" part but it should make you think... if anyone ever decided they wanted to retaliate against your significant other in the course of his/her job, what's a good way to do that? Get back at the family. How? Well, let's start with a web search. Do you want someone to do a quick search for your husband's name, then find your name, your children's names, the school they attend, pictures of the kids, your phone number, your address....? The list is endless. I'm guessing that if someone who actually *knew* me stumbled on this blog, they might guess it was me. My personality still comes through here. I also have another, "personal", blog but I keep that separate and I have never mentioned the line of work my husband is in when writing on it. It's easy enough to skirt around it and move along. Husband has been out on a walk with us at least once or twice and promptly ditched us as he saw one or another of his frequent clients, whom he didn't want to know that he belonged to us. It kind of makes sense, and when I'm sitting at home in the middle of the night by myself with only some cold steel under my pillow, I appreciate the pains he takes to keep things private and separate from work.

Finally, in case none of that made sense, here is a little bit of a "how annoying!" situation which is only partially related to privacy. I was at an open house a few weeks ago when the realtor (a young man, possibly even younger than me. yikes!) asked me to fill out my contact info on his sheet. I put my name and email address -- easy enough to delete, delete, delete, right? -- but he persisted and really wanted my phone number. I simply said, "No, I don't give out my phone number." To which he replied "I just want to follow up with you about some home buying information." "No, I don't give out my number, but feel free to email me." He had the audacity to say "Oh, look, I know you are married and have kids I just want to make sure I can provide you with the best possible service." He will never, ever get business from me, and my phone number will stay private, private, private!

Speaking of private numbers -- I got a google voice number!!! yay!! This way I can mark my little realtor friend as "spam" in my google voice inbox and never have to listen to him ever again. ha!

ha ha ha

If you haven't read it yet, go read this over at The Dispatcher and Her Officer. I was dying laughing and really could have used the good laugh today. Forget lying to the cops, we just don't need 'em! ha ha ha

You Racist!

With all the talk of "too much information" and the "powers that be" shutting down -- or suggesting the shutting down of -- police blogs (see MotorCop, for just one example), I'll be more or less cryptic about the details of an interesting call DH had on duty last night. So in the interest of helping my husband keep his job, let's just say this is how the call went down:

Boyfriend calls dispatch, his girlfriend has [some problem] as a result of [some surgery]. This was information that dispatch had to drag out of the boyfriend, because the only thing he said was "There is somebody here with [some problem]." Uh, ok...

DH rolls over there to find that this problem, which sounded rather minor (and can be rather minor -- if it's *not* the result of a surgery!) was actually a huge problem. DH asks the boyfriend what the surgery was, and the boyfriend equivocates, giving some other bogus story. No surgery. Uh, ok....

Remember, DH seems to recall that dispatch reported this problem was a result of a surgery. Weird. The paramedic unit arrives and starts their assessment. DH notices that on paper one of the medics has written down [name of surgery]. So DH asks the boyfriend again, "What was the surgery she had?" and the boyfriend again says "no surgery." Uh, ok...

The medics rush to transport the girlfriend (first time DH says he's seem them do this and not a longer in-field assessment -- must have been a big deal??) and allow the boyfriend to ride along (first time he's seen them allow a non-family member to ride along). End of story.

DH gets back to the station and checks with dispatch -- are you SURE that the boyfriend reported this problem as a result of a surgery? Yes... in fact, dispatch replays the tape for DH where the boyfried says this exact thing!

The only thing we can figure out? This was an interracial relationship, and the girlfriend was "purple," same race as DH. Maybe the boyfriend was afraid that DH would assume he made the girlfriend get the surgery? And DH would get on the boyfriend's case for inflicting this agony on one of his own purple people? Hence the lying??? Geez, people, even in your "hour of need" when you are not even breaking the law, you are STILL lying to the fuzz? Lord, help us!

If only the boyfriend knew that DH is married to a chic that's not the same race (yes, I'm orange, I admit it) -- and it just so happens that the boyfriend in the story is too! ka pow!

......in other news, my brother broke his tibia and fibula while returning from a sailing trip. According to Austin, "It's like the boat was a bone cutter chainsaw!" Yes, something like that. He had surgery today to insert four screws and he should be good to go in a month or two. Yuck.

......in additional medical family news, my mom is having her hip replaced tomorrow. I really should talk to those people about a reserved parking spot at the hospital. ha.

this is not it!

I will not be making Loco Larry, the mentally unstable locomotive, for Austin's upcoming birthday, as seen here:


As he said when he saw this picture, What's wrong with him? Isn't there supposed to be a mouth? Or a smile?

Thank you, Cake Wrecks.

America's Finest?

I was watching the "Ocean Patrol: San Diego" marathon on tru tv today. (Yeah, what a way to "celebrate" the 4th of July, eh?)

Anyhow, San Diego is called America's Finest City. They even have it listed on the police cars.... or at least most of them. The one I saw on the show today said "America's Fi st."

so true...

Did I really say that??

My husband is a pretty conservative, traditional kind of guy. His choices of names for our kids have been highly uninteresting. I would have loved actually naming them Austin, Charlotte, and Dallas, but alas, he was more interested in names like John, Jacob, and probably would have loved Bob. Simple, plain, strong (he says). BORING (I say).

Anyhow, while I consented to the names given our first two children, I didn't really love them. I decided I would get my way on the name thing for #3. For the record, I did. It took me four days and evidently I also sold my soul to the devil: I said he could buy 10 new guns if he let me have "my" name.

Unfortunately, I have no recollection of this event. He says it is proof that even when you are emotionally wrapped up in something you still can't sell your soul to the devil (as I did in this case, evidently). And here I thought he was being a loving husband, giving me my way as solace for the most horrible (of the three) labor events.

Remember how I said it has been guns, guns, guns nonstop? I guess it's still not stopping any time soon.... sigh...

General Update

I did it. As a third-time mom, I finally had enough of Dallas' almost constant crying and dragged him to the pediatrician today. I love our pediatrician; she's been "ours" since Austin was 1 year old. She has pretty similar philosophies in life as we do, has four kids, and doesn't talk down to me when we're discussing the "proper care and feeding" of the little kidlets. Anyway, I wrote down my long list of all the things I thought were wrong or off about him (my mom even suggested Cystic Fibrosis -- thanks mom!) and one by one the doctor dismissed them. It made me feel a lot better, except for the part about her wanting to protect Dallas from me since he cries so much and I confessed to being frustrated with him and wanting to throw him against a wall. (Those were her words, not mine. I would have said drowning in the bathtub. But he's so cute, I really could never do it. Don't worry, people!!) Those medical types are all freaked out about post partum depression. I even had to fill out a TOTALLY obvious questionnaire (authored by a drug company no less) trying to determine if I am post partumly depressed or at risk to become so. HELLO PEOPLE! I'm the mother of three kids under five. Of course I'm insane!!

But I digress. How is this LEO related (except for the mandatory reporting itch you might be feeling about possible child abuse)? Well!! DH stayed home with the two older kids so I could be at the doctor in peace with Dallas. Bliss, I tell ya!

In other LE news, in an effort to penny pinch DH's department is coming up with all these wacky schemes to save money, including some sort of merger with another department in order to save on a Chief's salary. Are you kidding me??? Evidently it's moving forward (according to the POA rep) after which time they are talking layoffs across the department. Dear Lord! I think DH has enough seniority to be "safe" (if they do it that way), but who knows!??!

The most "exciting" news this week is that one of DH's academy mates has "resigned." The story is full of mystery, intrigue, guile, and backstabbing (evidently) but the good news is that DH might score some of his gear for cheap. I'm not sure that any of that is particularly exciting or good but I'm trying to stay positive.

A quick surfacing for air...

Hello blog world. Nice to see you. Welcome to my new readers. I'm quickly surfacing for air into the land of the living to say, I'm leaving it again. ;) I've been gallivanting around the state for the last two weeks. I even took the train by myself with ALL three kids in tow for the first time, with great success. (Not cheap but definitely fun, I'm glad I was brave enough to do it. The great success came from sitting in the "disabled/elderly" section of the train because all those grandmas and grandpas were totally enthralled with the tiniest 6 week boy, the flirty 2.5 year old girl, and the stoic 4.5 year old boy. ha ha) But I digress...

Remember how I said it's been guns, guns, guns non stop around here?!?! Well I don't think there is any end in sight, which I was really hoping for. boo hiss. Husband hung out with some super "professional" gun competitors recently and came home with a list a mile long of all the things he needs to be properly outfitted. (This is where, if I were a cussing kind of lady, I would do so. However, I am not.) Here's my list, since we're making them: a new toaster oven, a computer printer, a minivan, a laminating machine, a house (ha, I crack myself up). We'll see who completes theirs first. I'm sure it won't be me. Anyone notice how my entire list would benefit EVERYONE in the family?

For the record, I'm not really "into" guns but I'm being so indoctrinated and can't escape that I figure I might as well jump ship and join the enemy. While we were traveling around I found myself thinking I wanted to get my own "cute" little handgun and start dabbling in husband's all-consuming hobby. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Ugh, I cannot believe I just said that! Do you have a gun-obsessed spouse? Do you share the hobby, tolerate it, or....?

Finally, a disclaimer: If this post makes absolutely no sense, I have a few explanations. First, it's four in the morning. I'm married to a graveyard-er but I am not one myself. 'Nuff said. If that were not enough, I am totally loopy from lack of sleep. I am almost 90% sure that Dallas has colic so we are rocking, walking, patting, and pacifier-addicted almost 24/7. On that happy note, don't expect to hear from me again too soon, although I will do my best!

Everything looks good from here

I just realized it's been over a week since my last post. I thought I'd take a moment to let you know that yes, I'm still alive (barely) and complain a little bit. I already called my mom and whined to her, now you all are getting it! :)

DH normally works nights, and because of some added training and court time (both during the day this week!) it felt like he only had a one day weekend. I don't like that! (duh, who does?) The baby ~ now FIVE weeks old if you can believe that! ~ is still a terrible sleeper and super whiny. I've cut out all manner of dairy to see if that helps him, and I think it does help a bit although not enough. I'm sleeping five hours a night (on a good night) in 1.5 or 2 hour snippets. So on days he doesn't work I take a nice long afternoon nap. Not this week! So I'm pretty grouchy.

DH is also consumed with a bunch of gun related junk right now (more on that eventually) and as I type is off practicing at the range. I'll be happy when that's all over and I can dump the kids on him and say "goodbye!"

So.... I'm in emergency operations mode, down in the dumps, and thus the title of this post: EVERYTHING looks good from here. Which isn't so bad, right? There's only one way to go from here, and that's up. Don't take it personally if I'm not around for a while longer; I'm battening down the hatches and trying to feed my family something other than McDonald's drive through!

Did I also mention....?

... that I come to my adult life with a familial LEO history? My grandpa was a state patrolman, and two of my uncles work for the same law enforcement agency. One of those uncles is now a detective on the homicide detail after spending way too much time in narcotics. (I think my aunt got a little freaked out when one of his suppliers or buyers ran into them at the local mall and started talking shop. I would be freaked out too!!)

Anyway, this homicide uncle was recently interviewed on one of those billions of crime shows about a murder for which he and his partner were lead detectives. I just finished watching it, and two things stuck out.

1. It was SUPER weird to see my uncle on TV, and all his associated mannerisms, quirks, and intonations. I don't know anyone that's famous like that or watch them on TV!
2. I was really really mad about the RI-DI-CU-LOUS mirandizing fiasco that prevented the admission of the killer's testimony at his trial. Check this out:
• The detectives are interviewing the suspect. He is denying everything. Eventually they say "so-and-so has confessed to blah blah blah and put you at the crime scene as the killer." What does the suspect do? He lawyers up, says he wants a lawyer. The detectives immediately stand up and say "OK bye" (actually my uncle says "Good luck to you" which has me CRACKING UP because it's so "him"). The suspect says "No, wait, I'm just trying to ask you questions and you're leaving me" to which my uncle again repeats "Good luck to you." (ha ha) The first detective is already out the door, the second one is about to shut it (they're showing the interview room camera).... at which point the suspect says "Ok, Ok, I waive my right to a lawyer and I want to tell you what happened!"
• The suspect then proceeds to detail everything that happened, even using the two detectives as players in the demonstration of exactly where everyone was when it happened. He even suggests a possible motive!
• Is the testimony admitted for the trial? NOPE! You know why? Because after he lawyered up -- then CHANGED HIS MIND -- the detectives did not *re*mirandize him. It made me go crazy. I know it's for everyone's protection that they are read their rights but come on people!! Is this the justice system or the CRIMINAL justice system???

Ok, I think that's enough about that. I know I am kind of preaching to the choir. On this happy note, I see that everyone is asleep and I could be too. What am I doing writing this?!?! :)

You're not "real"

My oldest child will be starting Kindergarten in the fall, and we're going to do this year homeschool-style. :D We've joined a cottage school where little man will take a few classes two days a week and I am really looking forward to this year (but kind of scared, too!).

Yesterday I was explaining to the kids that we would be going to a "school meeting" at a park. While the kids could play at the park, the mommies and daddies would have their meeting about the school. The kids were kind of surprised that my husband would be coming along, since he is usually working or sleeping off his work instead of coming along to these sorts of things. I did try to explain that in fact, I didn't know if Daddy was coming, it all depended on if he was asleep or not (sound familiar?!?!?!).... to which my little man asked "Why, is the meeting only for real daddies and not police daddies?"

I'm not sure how I should feel about that. So my husband is not a real daddy? Yikes.

What to do?

A fellow officer at DH's department lost her husband a few months ago. He was an officer at another agency and was killed in the line of duty. No joke, I think about her (and her daughter) every day, and lately it's been a lot more frequent. If you are a LEO spouse I don't have to explain myself and all the things I think about. Anyway, I have only met her a few times, but I totally want to "do" something for her. Any suggestions? Don't want to be totally psycho (ha ha) but also want her to know I am thinking of her.

No more lying :(

DH was recently sent to a multi-day seminar on how to read micro and macro expressions (think body language) along with techniques for interviewing and interrogating suspects, victims, witnesses, etc.

Upon his return he sounded rather enthusiastic (for him) about what he learned, and what he recounted to me sounded interesting. While I applaud his efforts to improve himself and his career, I'm disappointed because that means no more secrets and lying for me! DH will know when I look up and to the right while crossing my arms that I'm totally fibbing! ha ha ha.

We're on vacation...

Yes, that means the baby finally came so we (I) have been in a baby-induced stupor for a week now. The little man showed up last Friday around 2 AM and it was INSANE. This means DH hasn't really been working and I have nothing of great interest to say. Even if I did, I'm not sure it would make any sense from all the sleep I've been missing. The one good thing is that DH can stay on his graveyard schedule and have night time baby duty. YES! :)

"good" news

DH found out that last week's suspect from the fight voluntarily gave a blood sample today. Hopefully sometime soon we'll find out about the possibility that DH could have been infected with anything "exciting." Thank goodness this means we bypass all the subpoena crap.

And, surprise, now he's started his Hep B vaccination series. THANK YOU! Gee, only taken him five years to get his act together on this one; too bad it was not really by his choice.

And for the record: STILL NO BABY! :(

Mrs. Fuzz over at A Police Wife has related stories about one academy classmate of her husband's whom she calls "CJ" or "Calamity Jane." My DH works with his own version of a CJ right now and I thought some of you might be interested in hearing.... Recently on shift they had a discussion of the various types of legal and illegal weapons citizens may own, and with a large arsenal in the briefing room the officers were asked which weapons were legal and illegal and why. DH's "CJ" said "Aren't they all illegal? They all have scopes on them which allow you to see your target up close." As DH related this to me he said "uh yeah.... and those binoculars you use for bird watching UP CLOSE are illegal too."

Following up on the "dumb girl" stories, later that night another (female) officer walked out to her POV to go home. She told DH not to laugh if her car didn't start. "It only seems to happen when I'm low on gas, and I need to fill up!"

Uh.... yeah... what do YOU think the problem is?? After some inquiries it seemed to DH like maybe she needs a new battery, but seriously... low on gas? Hmm......

yuck.

During nap time I started another blog entry about what happened last night to DH but it was very wordy and, well, I just couldn't get in the groove. So I'm posting to say that when he and I chatted this morning, I thought he'd been in court all morning but evidently he'd been at the health clinic getting his blood drawn for possible exposure to Hepatitis (A, B, C, D, or..!?!??!), HIV, and who knows what all else. This, after he jumped in as a cover officer on a fight. He had no idea how it had escalated from the original stop, but evidently two of the three officers already on the scene did NOT have the upper hand and quite possibly would have gotten the crap beat out of them if he had not arrived. I guess that's why they call them cover officers.

At least DH is not the one with five staples in his head from the incident. Sigh. I've been in "good supporting wife" mode all day and haven't processed it all. However, it's 5:20 pm and I'm not totally sure what's for dinner so I guess "good supporting wife" mode has been turned off. ha ha.

"You're hot!"

Let's be honest. I think my husband is pretty darn attractive. I definitely don't think he has mass audience appeal (not going to win any Mr. America contests) but duh, it was a mix of personality and those cute legs that convinced me to say "yes" when he popped the question.

He was on duty the other night walking down the street doing something-or-other when he walked by two young-ish females. As he passed them he noticed that their conversation stopped. Then yelling after him....

girl: "You're hot!"
DH: "No, I'm not!"
girl: "yes, you're hot!"
DH: "No, I'm not!"
girl: "Yes you are!"
DH: "Hey, watch it, I'm married and have two kids!"
girl: "I have two kids too!"
DH: "I'm a good Christian boy!"
girl: "So are we! What are you trying to say?"

... end of story.

Weirdos.

Academy Advice

Certain nights of the week are slower than other for DH. This last week on one of their slow nights, the officers got to trading academy stories. DH shared a few of the star stories with me, and I realized one of them might come in handy as advice for those of you with significant others in academy.

I believe most academies at some point pepper spray you and make you do all sorts of stuff to make you wish you'd never signed on to be a cop. But there you are, running yourself ragged (to simulate chasing a suspect) and getting pepper sprayed in the face (to simulate spraying yourself after you are so disoriented you miss your suspect). Then you are desperately trying to wash the pepper spray off, or do anything to get any kind of relief from the burning, crazy pepper feeling. Just remember ~ water travels and along with it travels the pepper spray!!

Based on someone's first hand knowledge shared on this "academy stories" night, I recommend that as the partner of someone who is pepper sprayed, you take a few days to resist being intimate with said partner. Your, um, "parts" will thank you.

Please forgive me...

... I must have been really grouchy yesterday!

Last night as I ruminated over yesterday's post here, there were some convicting things that came up for me. Thankfully, hubs and I had the opportunity to hang out together for a while after the kids went to bed. It was definitely needed. We were together and I could have easily brought up the junk that was weighing on my mind from yesterday's post, but I didn't. I will be the first to admit that I avoid conflict like the plague, but somehow last night I just knew that bringing up all that junk was not the right time or place.

Instead, I chose to be grateful.

As we were talking, I thanked hubs for recording one of my favorite shows this week, which he did without being asked or reminded. I didn't even remember to record it, and when I got home halfway through the show, I got to watch it in it's entirety because he'd recorded it! IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS, PEOPLE. I felt so loved!

At one point I also thanked him for doing all the dishes one night (a rare occurrence). I was even more impressed that he washed them ALL. When it comes to these domestic things, he has typical male tunnel vision: if it's not in the sink, I don't wash it. (I have no idea how this tunnel vision does not seem to invade his cop-ly duties!) Well... we live in a small apartment with an equally small kitchen so when you have to do dishes they are all over the place! Hubs got every last dish except for one spoon. Go, hubs! I mentioned how much I appreciated him washing the dishes, but even more so now that I cannot really lean over the sink with my belly; I have to turn sideways to reach the water and wash so it's super uncomfortable. Of course he was clueless about this. Hello?!?! Are you kidding me?? That alone made me realize that when I'm stewing about something SO TOTALLY OBVIOUS he probably is SO TOTALLY CLUELESS.

I should cut him some slack.

(But he should still wash his own dishes.)

So today, I'm grateful that in the past week my husband washed the dishes, recorded a favorite show, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned the kitchen floors, and cooked dinner one night. Oh, and he let me buy a fun piece of jewelry, too, even as he was grumbling out the side of his mouth about how pointless jewelry all is.

Busy, Cranky Day

I'm feeling a few of those "things" that I automatically assume irritate me as a wife of a lawman today. Maybe it's a universal "I'm married" problem, but it sure doesn't feel like it. I think it's also exacerbated by this giant basketball I'm carrying around under my shirt. (I don't think I've mentioned it, but I am 36 weeks pregnant with our third child. ) Poor husband. And poor you, if you're reading this, because it's going to be a big long complaining downer. Click over to one of those other blogs on the sidebar if you're not up for this today!

Today was our niece's 1st birthday party. I use the term "niece" loosely because actually it's my husband's cousin's daughter, and in fact, the mom of the birthday girl is not even his real cousin... her mom and my husband's mom are the true cousins. Somehow everyone in that family gets either the term "cousin" or "niece" depending on their age, no matter what their true relation. Anyway, I digress. Today was her first birthday party, a big shebang at a fancy restaurant and probably about 40 or 50 people. But hubs got invited to hitch along to a local shooting range for free this morning, and considering "free" is better than "rip off" (which is what it normally costs to go to non-departmental sponsored range time), he went. Hubs does very few things just for himself and for his enjoyment, so I was all for it. I figured he could come a half hour late to the party and no one would even notice, plus he'd get in his man-cave-shooting time, and everyone would be all happy.

Except for me.

I forgot about that part. First there was the getting ready part. It was a bit of a "fancy" event so I actually showered this morning, curled my hair and put on make up. I fed and dressed everyone. I packed a lunch for my daughter (she has food allergies and I didn't know if she'd be able to eat at the restaurant since we'd never been there before). I ran errands. I got to the party on time.

All by myself.

I knew this was the way it was going to be in advance, and as the spouses of individuals in law enforcement this is what we become accustomed to ~ doing it all, by ourselves, while our friends and family look on with varying levels of pity, disdain, and complete cluelessness. While I was going through the motions I was actually really proud of myself. I left plenty of time for everything to get done. I didn't get mad and yell at the kids because we were running late. I wrote a list in the morning so I could remember everything, and I actually remembered everything. Yay me.

But then there was the 40 minute drive home from the party where I stewed about the day's events.

It didn't help that hubs ended up being 1.5 hours late to the party instead of just half an hour late. (In all fairness he would have only been 1 hour late had he not gotten lost due to a closed off ramp.) That kind of irked me. As I was driving home, I realized that I wanted some recognition. For being 36 weeks pregnant I had on a cute outfit, with cute shoes and makeup and cute hair instead of some frumpy nastiness which is what I've mostly been wearing lately. I planned the gift for MY HUSBAND'S niece (this is when I get to call her just *his*, not *ours* ha ha). I brought the gift. I got the card. I dressed the kids. I got them there. I made small talk with all the in-laws and out-laws. I did it all by myself and all I wanted was for hubs to say something, like "You looked cute today." I'm all about honesty, but at this point I'm ready to say shove it and can you please lie to me and tell me I look cute even if you think I don't?? Or "thank you"?

Then we got home.

A few days ago I mentioned that there was some sweeping that needed to be done outside. This is part of my job that I get paid to do. With the big basketball on my belly, it's too difficult for me to sweep and supervise both the 2- and 4-year olds, so I asked the hubs to watch the kids so I could do this. Of course I did NOT ask this during his work week, I'm not that dumb. Instead he said he would do the sweeping! Score! So, guess what, it's two days later, I know this MUST be done, and he hasn't done it... but he's going back to work tonight and we all know that means that there will be nothing but sleeping, complaining, and working being done for the next four days. In some ways I think hubs really made a mistake in marrying me because I am not the naggy wife type that asks and asks and asks. (His mom is the naggy type, but I'm thinking he's an adult now so he should get over that "be reminded to death" thing.) You said you'd do it, and you didn't. Thanks. So during nap time the 4-year-old and I went out and did the sweeping. Not fun but not totally horrible. He's old enough to actually be helpful now. And the best part? On the way back to the house he said "I love hanging out with you."

That was all worth it, and my husband missed out on it because I did the job instead.

Then I remember he is a good guy and he hands his paycheck over to me without any squabbling whatsoever, every month. Thanks, honey.

Cop humor (kind of?)

Thanks to A Police Wife, I just ordered my husband's Father's Day present. My husband is not really into gift giving, but I am so when I find something that I can't resist, well, I buy it. I think this is a pretty cool idea, but of course is more like a gag gift. ha. See the back up socks here!

Bombs, bombs, bombs

There's an opening on the bomb team, and I think DH would be great for it. Obviously I know very little about bombs so who am I to judge, but... based on his personality and logical thinking skills, I think it would be a great fit. The down side is that there is a six week training class in another state he would have to attend. Considering we would most likely have three kids under the age of 5 at our house at that point, I think DH is extremely hesitant to even apply. Yes, of course it wouldn't be my first choice for a six week stint alone but I would really like to see him using his brain in this way and furthering himself. Not just career-wise, but gee, if I could do it I totally would!! I'll keep you posted.

One benefit

Today I'm so thankful for my husband's job. In these "difficult economic times" I'm thankful anyway, but last night especially so. My husband (DH) had already headed off to work and everyone had been asleep for at least an hour when my daughter (DD) woke up very very sick. I did all the yucky cleaning related to these sorts of "sick" incidents, then called my DH since DD was begging for Daddy. (This is quite unusual, so I figured he'd be quite pleased.) They just happened to be overscheduled last night so he came home right away and hung out with the girl while I went back to bed. I guess she slept for maybe two hours while DH did the nasty laundry and then she was back awake from 1 to 4 am. Yuck! With my graveyard-working husband on the job, I was blissfully unaware and slept like a baby. They even went for a drive and he bought her Jack In The Box french fries in the middle of the night. What a dad!

Thanks, husband!

Hello, I'm...

...
Well I never quite know what to say to start off a conversation. "Hello, I'm [insert name here]" usually is a good place to start. And how I am connected to you. But here's the trick. I'm super paranoid and private. But I love to write and as you're about to find out, I have a lot to say. I just say it better when I type it instead of, well, saying it!

If I had to guess, I'd guess you made it here because you are the wife, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or "special friend" (let's stop now) of some sort of law enforcement officer (LEO). Me too. I married my husband 11 months before he started the police academy, so I've gone through the "Hey, you were normal once and now you're a weird cop!" transition -- which many say is nearly impossible for a relationship to weather. Well that first hellish day of academy was just about five years ago and so far things are going ok. Yes, I would say my husband is different now than he was then, but I didn't marry him with vows that said I would love and cherish him in sickness and in health as long as he never changed. :)

I had big dreams of becoming great buddies with some of the wives of the academy recruits, but that didn't really work out for a number of reasons, some of which were: the academy was a pretty good distance from our house, the academy had a bunch of different agencies participating so there wasn't a big incentive for the spouses to get together, and my husband was a good bit older than most of his classmates so I think he was in a bit of a "different" position. Anyway, I digress.

I then had slightly toned down hopes of getting to know some of his fellow officers or their wives/families once he was off field training (commonly called FTO) but alas, it's been a few years and that really hasn't happened either. The point of all this is to say that I have felt somewhat alone. I have a really unique "job" ~ I'm the wife of a LEO, and it is a job that very few people understand. I have lots of friends who will smile and nod and commiserate, but there is nothing like really wondering if your spouse will come home walking through the door or carried in a box. There's just nothing like it.

I've been so blessed to RANDOMLY (and I capitalize random on purpose!!!) meet and connect with one or two other wives, and it has been a great comfort to me. I realized with the deaths of three Oakland Police Department (CA) sergeants and a motors officer last weekend, I would love to have this outlet. Thanks for reading and coming with me on this journey. Let's see where we end up ~ and I'll tell you a little more about myself next time. Although not too much, I'm married to a cop!! :)